Perjury, Deception, Misrepresentation, Fraud...?

Lincoln Castle Prison - reopened for tourists

The prison is no longer in use, and its reopening in 2011 was as a tourist attraction, not for the detention of criminals. However, when nothing seemed to run smoothly for me in the events of April and May 2012, it did get me wondering whether someone thought this was where I should be headed. Everything seemed to conspire against me in a sinister plot, worthy of Wallander, but without the corpses.

It all started well. I had the brochure for the property, and had an overview of the conditions of the lease. I completed the paperwork, checked with the council about Council Tax liability and with BT about broadband, and I wrote to suitable worthies to request character references.

But then it all went quiet. After all, I was in Italy, so I wasn't likely to be rushing over to take a decision, and the agents said that there was another property that might be more suitable and might appeal to me more. Meanwhile, as far as I can ascertain, my paperwork sat in a filing tray until it needed attention.

 And it was in late April that I met the agents, and the brochure for Minster Yard was lying on the desk for discussion.

By this time they had almost persuaded me that another property was more suitable, but I decided to view both, so that I had a comparison. I looked around the other property, which was beautifully converted, but strictly "bijou" in estate agents' parlance and much too cramped for someone my size.

 It didn't take me long to make up my mind, and that same afternoon I confirmed my interest in 14, Minster Yard, and completed the bank reference paperwork. We agreed that if all the boxes were ticked, my tenancy would commence on June 1st.

I never discovered why my application had not been processed earlier, and I only found out in casual conversation with the previous tenants that the property had been offered to other prospective tenants who, it seemed, had failed to provide satisfactory references. Now it was standing empty and there was an eagerness to get the rent flowing again. But my problems were about to start, because of a genuine error in the customer records of Halifax bank. Nobody at the Halifax  could explain why there was an entry on their files stating that I had previously, fraudulently applied for a Halifax credit card, (which I most definitely had not done.)

 On the basis of their inaccurate records, Halifax furnished a negative reference and the Cathedral told me in the nicest possible way that I could not be considered as a tenant of a property in the Cathedral portfolio. I was shocked, to say the least. I knew my Credit reference score and it seemed inconceivable that the bank would not support me positively.

I almost expected to see my name on WANTED posters, or my passport photo screened in a story  on Crimewatch. There was a horrible sense of injustice and helplessness, especially when all attempts to contact a responsible bank officer ended up talking to a charming but disempowered young Arts graduate in Bangalore. It took a week to get to the bottom of the story and a further week to get a new, positive reference submitted. As a gesture of good faith I lodged a chunk of my meagre savings as an additional security deposit (to be refunded after 12 months.)  It was a very tense couple of weeks, and all this time I was back in rural Italy, packing my worldly goods into the car so that every cubic centimetre was utilised.

In that first run, I left behind all my books, CDs and DVDs as well as lots of kitchen equipment, clothes, bedding and my collection of about 200 wooden spoons. As things have worked out, I now have virtually everything back in UK, including my full-sized Zambian drum - which is of course, essential to my very existence. But that's what a home is all about - not the bare essentials that you would have in a full-service apartment, but the personal absurdities that create an idiosyncratic environment.

My kids and my friends would know this place was mine, just from a quick glance around, and from that quick glance they would immediately know that I am happy living here in Lincoln. Very happy.